Saying goodbye…

OK so my posts have been rather light and humourous…or at least for me they have been.  Thought I’d jump into deeper waters today and have a serious post on saying goodbye.

In my short life (oh yes I said it SHORT – meaning I’m not old) I’ve had a few people pass away that I never had a chance to say goodbye. By that I mean to have a conversation with them that would allow me the chance to tell them how I felt, how they impacted my life and so on.  Probably it’s me maturing and realizing what these people meant to me and in fact it was several years after the fact that it came to me.   I’ve went to the gravesite of a few of them and had a conversation so to speak but it’s really not the same.

What do you do – in your life now – to make sure people know how they feel to you? Do you tell them what impact they have on your life – do you tell them you love them?  I grew up in a home where feelings weren’t really shared or talked about so it was quite foreign to me. I handled some deaths where I should have been supportive to people very awkwardly – and I know it’s never easy but in particular one special person to me lost her Dad and I didn’t know how to handle it. This person said something to me about it (how I acted) and I think that flicked the switch for me. It’s been a long slow process of turning the Titanic around to be more aware & living in the moment – which is a process I practice, practice, practice.

Seems in the last year there have been several people die that are close to my age which is quite the reality wake up. Just in the last month a girl I went to High School with died suddenly – I was so shocked simply for the reason she was only 2 years older than me….You know I’ve always got you could die in a car accident, get hit by a bus but like many people you don’t really register that – mostly because we all don’t want to die!!

I realize this is part of my personality of wanting to be prepared – about 15 years ago I made a funeral plan – what I wanted for music, where it should be held, so on – and then I laid it away.  A few years passed and I found it and threw it away – scared me to think about my own mortality. I had a very interesting conversation with my Dad & Bonus Mom this summer – about where they want to be ‘spread’ (no burials for them just the big fire – and I jest about this as they, thankfully, have a very good attitude about it and are not afraid to discuss) – my bonus Mom made a comment about possessions and what happens to it all – really got me thinking about all the “collections” I have and really what are they for? Who will want them when I die – or will my children go through my stuff and say “What the hell did she keep this for?”.  Which I’ve teased my Mom about terribly as she’s a ‘keeper’ (I come by it honestly).  So I’m looking at my stuff with hard eyes – and doing a lot more donating to the Salvation Army – recycling papers that haven’t been touched in eons.

I have a very dear friend of mine who was diagnosed with cancer of the saliva glands just this past December. She had a huge lump taken from her cheek/chin area and made it through to her 3 month check up – good news everything looked clear. Tuesday she had her 6 month check up and the cancer has returned – this is such a hard blow as she’s a solid rock person in my life. Another operation is scheduled and she’s optimistic. Watching her go through this in her life is utterly amazing – she’s embracing life and allows herself time to breakdown & be sad but as she told me she’s not allowing herself to be a victim to cancer.

The lesson learned from those people I never had the chance to talk with & let them know how special they were to me (Grandma & Grandpa Keel, Grandma & Grandpa Ross, Elmer Neitz, Billy & Wally Johnson, Brian Kurys, Margaret Dayton)  I’ve learned to tell people what they mean to me, tell them I love them, hug them and be gracious in what they share with me. I hope all of you that are reading my blog can learn those same lessons – now go and tell someone what they mean to you!!

Love Shannon